Trusting God in Changing Seasons
/Every now and then I have dreams that repeat over years and result in an emotional reaction that lingers into my day. I’m not into dream interpretation, but I tend to think about the reason behind those. I have two recurring dreams about college.
The first is a nightmare. It is the day of the final exam and I am headed to class to take the test, but I realize to my horror that I don’t know where my class is because I haven’t actually gone at all the whole semester, and I have no idea what the test is on because I haven’t done any of the assignments. I think this one is pretty common.
The second is one of my favorite dreams ever. It is the last day of senior year, and I am headed back to Baylor to meet up with my roommates after summer vacation for the last time. We are making all kinds of crazy plans about what we are going to do in our senior year. The details vary. The apartment we are going to live in is always different. Sometimes it is huge, like a mansion, sometimes it is small but cool, like a treehouse.
The moment that we all reunite is the best. After not seeing each other all summer, we have so much to catch up on, and the promise of a phenomenal year is tangible. Although it is laced with the slightest tinge of sadness, knowing that this is the last one we will spend together before striking out on our own into the world. In last night’s dream my goal for the year was to visit every single room on campus, including the secret library that changes locations and looks like an enchanted Elvish forest inside. (Apparently Baylor is a lot like Hogwarts and Lord of the Rings in my dream). I can’t tell you how much I want that library to exist in real life.
I always wake up from this dream so excited! I can’t wait to see my roommates. I can’t wait to start our last year of awesomeness! And then as my mind reenters my actual bedroom, I slowly remember that I graduated from college over a decade ago. The anticipated senior year has come and gone. The only reunion with my roommates this week was on a video chat.
Here is the funny thing- I’m only a little disappointed. Instead, I’m excited about what is next in real life.
College was amazing. My three roommates were my best friends, and we had our fair share of fun adventures. Those years can never be replaced and at the end of them, I wondered if I had peaked too soon. Could real life possibly be better?
I started my adult job and worked at a church on the children’s ministry team for five years. I started the missions program. What started out as a rough transition into the real world, turned into a job that I loved, thrived in, and grew up in. I started new friendships and had an incredible mentor pouring wisdom into me. This season was irreplaceable. Not better or worse, just different and wonderful.
I met my husband and we got married. Life changed again. Gone were the dating days and I began a new job working as the Elementary director for an after school program for at-risk kids. It started out so hard, I wondered why I had left the job that I loved and was good at to end every feeling like a big fat failure. Slowly, I gained the kids’ trust. I learned to love them unconditionally and this job turned into a life-changing, perspective-altering season of life that I am so grateful for. I gained a life-long friend in the process. What incredibly fun adventures she and I had together with the kids, and what overwhelmingly difficult challenges we faced. This job had the highest highs and the lowest lows and I gave it everything I had. I experienced my greatest personal loss during this season, a devastating miscarriage. These kids and my relationship with Christ pulled me through the grief. This season was irreplaceable. Not better or worse, just different and beautiful.
I became pregnant and made the difficult choice to stay home with my baby. Saying goodbye to “my” kids was so hard, but I knew that being a mom would be worth it. Instead, I found myself wondering what I was doing. Motherhood was way more difficult than I had anticipated. I felt unappreciated, alone, exhausted, and many times like a failure. What was I thinking? I kept at it, dug deep into God’s Word, and one more kid later I now absolutely love my life as a stay at home mom! This is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and I am amazed everyday that I get to raise such special girls. This season is irreplaceable. Not better or worse, just different and I treasure it.
Now I see a new season just beginning. I am writing. In the tiny cracks of life I am finding time to sit down and encourage those around me. Starting on this journey feels awkward. I am filled with doubts and struggles and often wonder, ‘what am I thinking?’ Can I really do this with a baby and a toddler? Even now I am writing at 3 a.m. anticipating when my girls will wake up in a few hours and I might wish that I had slept instead. Starting something new is difficult. But I know from life experience that this season is going to be irreplaceable. I don’t know what lessons it will teach me or new relationships it will bring yet, but I know that it won’t be better or worse, just different, and that’s exciting!
If you are like me, and wondering about a new season or if you find yourself daydreaming about past glory days in a previous season and wondering if all of your adventures are behind you, here is what I want you to know:
Each season brings its own set of challenges, lessons, relationships, and rewards. One is not better or worse than the others, just unique and irreplaceable in its own way.
Each new season is only possible because of the lessons that we have learned the hard way through the previous ones and the skills that we honed along the way.
Each new season starts with a choice to make a change that is uncomfortable, scary, and requires faith. But in every one, God is faithful.
Each time we leave a season we tend to wonder if the next one could possibly be as wonderful as the last. Personally, I have yet to be disappointed. While completely different, each season is incredible.
If you are in a difficult transition- Hang on! Keep working at it because God has something wonderful to teach you in this.
If you are stuck reminiscing over a past peak- Look ahead! There is another peak right in front of you to climb, and you don’t want to miss it.
If you are in the middle of the best season ever- Enjoy it! It is fleeting! These are the moments that will carry you through the rough terrain when you journey to the next season.
If you are being called to move into a new season- Let go! Trying to hold on to what God is calling you to release will only keep you from being able to take hold of what He has next.
Surrendering each season to God results in a life that is a beautiful mosaic of experiences that bring Him glory. Let’s rejoice with gratitude in the uniqueness of each one!
